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we've got int. oddities..how about some jokes....

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
 
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LOL!!!! :D :lol:
 

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Boudreaux[boo dro for you yanks] was shrimping one night with his wife Clotele picking shrimp on the back of the boat.They were both real tired, the sun was starting to peak,Boudreaux turned around and Clotele was gone! Boudreaux was all upset, he looked and looked and finally gave up He returned to the dock and he saw Thibodeaux [tib-a-doe].Hey Thibodeaux i lost Clotele,i think she might have drowned!Thibodeaux said calm down Boudreaux i'm going where you were and i will be back at noon or so,meet me here.Thibodeaux returns, Boudreaux is pacing back and forth saying -well?Good news and bad news Boudreaux,the bad news is Clotele drowned bless her heart.Boudreaux says the good news?Thibodeaux says, the good news is she had two dozens crabs on her and we are gonna run her again in the morning. :p
 
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A guy moved to a new town and went up to the local bar for a beer. The bar tender knowing everyone in town recognized him as a newcomer. So the bar tender gives the man some advice about a local man with no ears who comes into the bar and picks fights every Friday night. The newcomer thanks the bar tender and starts drinking down his beer. After a bit the newcomer gets a tap on the shoulder and it's the guy with no ears. "Hey, do you see anything wrong with me?" Now the newcomer sees he has no ears and doesn't want to fight..."Nope you look OK" he replied. The drunk with no ears again taps him on the shoulder..."Hey, are you sure mister?" The newcomer looks again and says..."You wear contacts." The drunk replies..."That is pretty good, how did you know that?" The newcomer replies back..."Because if you had any ears you would wear glasses."
 

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That was good,KTM265!
 
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You had to know this was coming next....How do you like these jokes?

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
 
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The best one was....

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!
 

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Here's one for your best friends,

Ever see an smurfer wrapped in plastic?





GO LOOK AT YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE!
 
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A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it's head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
 

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A guy went into a bar and sat down and asked the bartender if the wanted to hear a Blonde joke. The bartender said "I'm over 6 foot and blonde, and so are the two guys sitting beside you, are you sure you still want to tell that joke?" The man replied, "Nope, I don't want to explain it three times!" lol.
 

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Three Ducks



A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each

hand and one under his left arm.

He placed them one beside the other upon the bar.

He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the

bartender.

The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned not

to ask people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't

mention the ducks.

They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the

ducks had to go to the restroom. He left the ducks there on the

bar. The bartender was alone with the ducks. There was an awkward

silence as they all looked at one another.

The bartender decided to break the ice and try to make a little

conversation. "Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck.

"Huey," replied the first duck.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all

day! What else could a duck want?", said the duck.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. Then he said to the second

duck, "Hi. And what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?", he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and out of

puddles all day myself. If I had the chance another day I'd do the

same again!", said the duck in reply.

So the bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must

be Louie?"

"No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even ask what kind

of day I've had!"



--------------------
 

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THE ITALIAN BRIDE
> >
> >
> >Maria had just got married and, being a traditional Italian, she was
> still a
> >virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very
> >nervous.
> >
> >Her mother reassured her; "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go
> >upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta."
> >
> >So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed
> >his hairy chest.
> >
> >Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big
> >hairy chest."
> >
> >"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men have hairy chests. Go
> >upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again.
> >
> >
> >
> >When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy
> >legs.
> >
> >Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his
> >pants and he's got hairy legs!"
> >
> >"Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs
> >and he'll take good care of you."
> >
> >So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on
> >his left foot he was missing three toes.
> >
> >When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and
> >a half!"
> >
> >
> >
> >"Stay here and stir the pasta."
 
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Guy goes into a bar one day and bets a bartender $100 that he is can piss in a beer mug placed at the opposite end of the bar...Bartender starts to laugh at the bar saying buddy you got yourself a bet...

So the bartender sets a beer mug at the end of the bar as the guy stands up on top of the bar and whips out his tool...He takes a look at the glass 50 feet away and lets it fly. He pisses on bartender, on the bar, on the people sitting at the bar...he hits everything but the beer glass sitting 50 feet away at the end of the bar.

Now the bartender is laughing as he is wiping the piss off of himself...Buddy, you owe me $100. The guy says OK, give me one minute. He walks back to the pool table to a group of guys comes back and hands the bartender $100. Now the bartender is counting his money and looks at the guy sitting there all happy. Buddy, you are pretty happy for someone who just made a stupid bet and lost $100. The guy looks at the bartender and smiles...Sir, you see those guys back there playing pool. I just bet them $1000 that I could stand on your bar, whip out my dick, piss on your bar, piss on your customers and piss on you and you would laugh about it... :blink:
 

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Discussion Starter #18
lovin' it guy's( and gal's) keep it up!
 

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You all do this !!

How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body
wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

AND NOW ....

How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your $ss.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash mud off that buddy pelted you with while you are pushing his quad away from mudhole. Remember revenge is sweet!
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,
pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on her side of bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind
this, there is something so very wrong with you!!
 

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Camo, that was awesome,sounds like me, the man part that is.
 
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